I've Never Felt Closer

To it than now. Except for maybe yesterday, or the day before. But that doesn't erase the facts. I've been searching and I can't find it. It drives me nuts. I feel insane. The only pet I've ever had is gone. My brother's meeting with a lawyer. And I can't get it out of my mind that its my fault. I've run out of tears and I don't have it to help me get through this. I don't know what to do. But it won't get out of my head. It's always at the back of my mind. Why not? I've always been the coward.