I've Never Felt Closer

To it than now. Except for maybe yesterday, or the day before. But that doesn't erase the facts. I've been searching and I can't find it. It drives me nuts. I feel insane. The only pet I've ever had is gone. My brother's meeting with a lawyer. And I can't get it out of my mind that its my fault. I've run out of tears and I don't have it to help me get through this. I don't know what to do. But it won't get out of my head. It's always at the back of my mind. Why not? I've always been the coward.

Oh, and

It's easier for me to be pissed than sad because than no one will see me cry. So here goes-

FUCK YOU. I hate you and you have no idea that I do. I wish I could just tell you what a stupid, fat whore you are but that would upset him. If it weren't for you two being friends, I would tell you every little thing I thought about you. All you do is rant to my boyfriend about how much a stupid, crazy slut you are and then you get mad at him for telling you the truth. You're so pathetic and psychotic. I don't get how he can be friends with you. You're not even close to worth it. I just want to punch you in your fat, ignorant mouth.

I Shouldn't Have Done That.

So, I just hacked your myspace to change your headline for a joke. And being the nosy fuck that I am, I just HAD to check your mail. And the only messages there were three between you and me titled "I just want you to know" And I thought it was something cute you might've sent me a long time ago that I'd forgotten about. But I open it to find them from the day after we took a break. That first message from you just killed me. I instantly broke into tears. I don't know how I could ever do something like that to you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never been so happy to have someone like you in my life. You mean so much to me, you have no idea. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you more than anyone I've ever met.